stealing ideas from the Gracies

My 10 year old son does jiu-jitsu. He does competitions as well as regular training. He loves it. I want him to keep loving it. I have spent a lot of time worrying whether I might become a "little league dad" and push him so much that he starts to hate it. I have tried to make sure that never happens. One of the things I have used is something I stole from Helio Gracie. I have heard Royler Gracie tell a story about the first time he entered a competition when he was about 8 or 9. Of course he grew up watching his brothers and cousins win, so he thought it was important to win as well. His father, Helio, took him aside before the match and said "if you win, I will give you five dollars (actually, the then current Brazilian equivalent). If you lose, I will give you ten." Royler realized that he would win either way, so the pressure was gone.

Before my son's (Ronan) first competition, I used the same tactic. It worked. He went, tried hard, and had fun. Since then, he has competed numerous times, sometimes winning, sometimes losing. But either way he was fine with it. Now, we have a little ritual we go through every time. I say to him, "What is the most important thing today?" He always answers "To try my best!" I then say "What is the second most important thing?" He says everytime " To have fun!" Then I hug, kiss, and headbutt him, and off he goes.

As soon as he comes off the mat, win, lose, or draw, I pick him up and tell him how proud I am of him and call him champ. That is something else I stole from a Gracie, this time Rickson. The first BJJ comp I was at, I noticed how most of the black belts were so passionate about winning, to the point of being sore losers, and argued every point that went against their athlete (not my coach though. Megaton believes in having dignity and letting the athlete do his thing and not overshadow him). If the athlete lost, the blackbelt/coach usually said something nice and then moved on. Not Rickson. Every one of his guys,from the rawest white belt to his oldest student, whether they won or even lost by submission in the first minute, was greeted with a huge smile, a big hug, and the heartfelt words of "great job, Champ!" You could tell he was just happy that his student had the guts to get out on the mat and test himself. Rickson showed me how a real coach acts. So I use that with my son and two of my nephews who do BJJ. So far, so good.