play vs. training

As I reflect on this year's CM trainer's clinic this past May, it has helped me crystallize some thoughts that have been drifting around in my head for a while now.

After years of training in environments and with people that, to put it nicely, were less than ethically optimal, and now train almost exclusively in a fun and playful environment and with people who are decent human beings, I have come to the realization that all improvements in my personal game are directly proportional to how much fun I am having when I train.

Looking back at the days when I was so desperate to become a bad ass, and worked so hard at it that I was generally miserable, I wonder why I kept plugging along (probably has to do with the fact I am not particularly intelligent). I was always down on myself, and I always compared myself to others who I deemed "better". It was an experience that was the exact opposite of fun.

And now when I train, I don't really care what others think of me - do they think I am a walking mountain of bad ass-ness? - now, I only care what my wife and kids think of me. Now when I train, I don't really think of it as "training" - it is, to steal Rodney King's idea, just PLAY. I go out and play with my friends, the same way I did as a kid. It just so happens that instead of playing cowboys and indians, we are punching each other or slapping on a choke. BUT, the underlying spirit of those games of cowboys and indians is there on the mat with me.

So, to everyone who I have played with the past couple of years, THANK YOU. And I look forward to more play as we go along.