criticism

Two approaches to critisizing someone learning a new BJJ move:

1) "I see that you are having trouble passing the guard. Perhaps you should try changing your speed and being more methodical. Try concentrating on your base at all times as well as keeping your elbows in. If you feel in danger, take a half step back to safety before going further. What do you think?"

Contrast that with;

2) "You suck! I can't believe you can't pass that guy's guard yet. Are you mentally incompetent or are you just purposefully wasting my time? Get away from me and work it out on your own! "

Which do you think will work better? Which one would you prefer to be used on you? I am sure we all can agree that the first approach is the way to go, yet oftentimes I see people use the second. And I am not talking about martial arts now, but everything in life. How you choose to deal with a problem with kids, your spouse, your employer, even your country (sorry to inject a little politics) will determine your success at resolution. Maybe instead of blindly attacking, we engage in constructive dialogue. Just as the first approach helps our athlete learn to pass the guard, so other problems in life might be able to be worked out.

Or am I Pollyanna?